Remember When

Audio By Carbonatix

Think back on a few of your favorite memories from when you were growing up. You might remember the freedom and exhilaration of taking a drive with no destination in mind, the camaraderie of being at a practice for your favorite team sport, or that one special teacher whose lessons connected with you in a unique way. Maybe you’re thinking of backyard football games or swing set adventures. I hope that even those of us who had tougher childhoods can think of some beautiful memories that were sprinkled throughout our years of growing up and maturing. 

As you might have guessed, I brought you on that trip down memory lane for a reason. It’s because I want you to remember what it was like to be a child or to the be a teen the next time you’re with your child or teen and run into a moment of conflict or a situation that requires some sort of discipline. Wise parents remember what they were like when they were younger and allow that to inform how they handle situations with their kids today. 

I recently talked with a parent who tends to overreact in major ways to some of the things that their teen does. The tricky thing is that I know what this parent was like when they were a teen and see a lot of similarities between their teen’s behavior and their own behavior from when they were a teen. I don’t say this to shame this parent, but rather to point out a blind spot that many of us have in common with this parent. 

My kids are all grown up with families of their own, but I still remember when one of my boys got caught cheating on a test when he was in elementary school. My wife called me at the office and told me about it, and I remember sitting at my desk and getting more and more angry. How could he do that after everything we’d taught him about the value of integrity and honesty? After stewing for the rest of the workday, I got in my car to drive home. My anger, frustration, and disappointment had been building, and I was finally heading home to deal with my son. But during my drive home, I remembered something that gave me some much-needed perspective. When I was around that same age, I also got caught cheating at school. 

As I remembered my own story, my attitude toward my son changed. Instead of arriving home with fire and fury, I was able to talk to him about how I had done the same thing when I was his age. You can imagine the hope that I started to see in his eyes as it dawned on him that he might get away with it after all! Instead, I let him know how my mom had responded. She made me go and apologize to my teacher in person. My son definitely wasn’t a fan of that outcome, but it was much more of a teaching opportunity than if I had simply overreacted and yelled at him. 

Taking the time to remember our own experiences as kids and teens will help us be more patient and understanding with our kids, and it will also make us more relatable. When we remember our own journey and allow those memories to inform how we parent, we’ll be winning more often at home.